is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
