Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
