He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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