I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
