Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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