dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
