I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
