Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
