The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
