spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
