We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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