I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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