I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
