And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
