no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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