When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
