How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm having to shit out rocks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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