I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
