Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
pray to the hookup gods
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
