The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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