So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
