it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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