you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
