I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
