her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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