"it" just moved
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
