im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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