In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
