All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
