Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
