with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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