Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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