I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
