I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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