Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
