Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
