3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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