Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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