he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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