just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
