my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
