were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
