How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need water and some morals
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
