i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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