im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
