Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
did you just send me my own nude
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
