Just fell off a train. Bad.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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