So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
