you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
