She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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