A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
