remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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