If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
