Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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