it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
COCAINE IS GR8
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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