I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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