Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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