6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
