I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
