I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
