It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
