the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
