Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
