dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
