I wanna bring you to show and tell
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
