you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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