I wish my penis had an off switch
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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